Never Ending Loop

As the days go by, I feel like I am slowly losing my ability to get out of bed. Pre-pandemic, I had the same feeling, but it was only a temporary feeling till I heard the people around and the cars outside my window. Now I have nothing to look forward to- no cars and definitely no people. My alarm is a dreadful reminder of the robotic day ahead. 

 

Don’t even get me started on the first activity of the day- classes. I feel like I am paying for access to YouTube videos. 17-thousand-dollar worth YouTube videos. A professor and black screens which hold what could be a sleeping college student, an absent college student or a daydreaming college student behind them. I admit that I am the sleeping college student. When I try and put in effort to stay awake, my mind wanders to a time where I wasn’t stuck watching YouTube videos.  Currently, my bed has become the new classroom. 

 

I give props to the people who willingly put on their cameras during zoom classes. It is a real struggle for me. Being a night owl, I study deep into the night and go to bed around 3 am. My eyes become puffy due to that I have no energy to put my camera on and look that terrible (this mainly applies to morning classes). By the afternoon my reason is I am too grumpy and after several months of lacking human interaction my social skills are quickly deteriorating, specifically facial cues. My facial reactions are a reflection of my thoughts and after months of not having to keep it neutral I struggle keeping a straight face.Playing back some of recorded lectures I find myself slipping and making weird faces. Hence, another reason I have decided to hide being the black screen. 

 

I work from home, so my day continues at my desk. I have been finding it very difficult finding the right work life balance. Because I am at home, I am sometimes expected to be available at all times. I end up closing late, which trickles down and affects the time I do my homework and study.  

 

The rest of my day comprises of either three things, a weird adventure with my roommate, Netflix and food. Throughout the day I forget I have't eaten. Food used to constantly be on my mind or maybe I was reminded in school because I always passed by the union. When it comes to Netflix, I think I am almost done watching things I like on there. I spend a ridiculous amount of time searching for shows. The new "play something feature" Netflix has added is meant to suggest shows for viewers based on their history. However, I have not liked even a single suggestion they have made ever since it was rolled out. Whoever built the algorithm needs to rewrite the code. But just when I decide to cancel it its like they know and release shows that keep me locked to the service. 

I feel like I'm stuck in a never ending loop.